Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
