it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
