If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
