i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
