i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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