the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
