i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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