i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
