i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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