remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
