what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
