Please, let me fuck your mom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
