Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
