He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She told me I should be a condom model.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You left your phone here
Wait...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
