WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
