he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
