It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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