just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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