He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize