would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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