woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
