seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
