I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize