I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
