i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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