You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
