Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
