it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
