The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
