I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize