u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
two words...techno handjob
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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