Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
