I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
