i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
