Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
