Banned from zoo.
Again?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
