doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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