I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
