wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
