Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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