Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize