Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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