At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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