the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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