Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
babies were throwing up all over the place
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
