Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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