I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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