I heard we made out
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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