Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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