8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
