Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
