it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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