I wanna bring you to show and tell
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
