Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize