it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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