I accidentally had phone sex last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
