first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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