worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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