That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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