Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
