If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
