Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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