At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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