I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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