Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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