how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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