you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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