It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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