Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
