I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
