I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
These tits shall not be calmed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
