so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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