We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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