I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
